Poems for MySpace » Funny Poems

Shattered Illusions by Rebecca J. Robertson

admin — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 06:12:08 +0000

Before I was blessed with Annie & her brother
I had lots of ideals about being a mother
After all, just how hard could it be,
raising my own little family?
I’d raise them well, I’d raise them right;
to be obedient, well behaved and polite.
I’d correct bad behavior, be loving but firm,
Not being too lenient, nor overly stern.
Any unseemly behavior would be quickly abated;
Defiance or disobedience would not be tolerated!
In public they would be well mannered and sweet,
kind and helpful, a real pleasure to meet!
My illusions, however, were soon to be shattered;
Lying in pieces, all torn up and tattered.
I am now in the face of stark reality,
Where, my babies rarely listen to me.
They have tantrums in public; they don’t do as they’re told,
I’m overwhelmed by a one and a three-year-old!
I’ve read books and magazines on how best to deal,
with undesirable behavior that does not appeal,
I’ve tried many techniques and taken some actions,
to put an end to these, all too frequent infractions,
But unfortunately they are rarely effective,
(Or maybe my children are somewhat defective?)
Eventually, however, if I refuse to give in,
It comes to a point where I actually win!
For a time the path will be blessedly clear,
Whilst waiting for the next rocky part to appear.
They have me totally confused, these children of mine,
I didn’t know it would be so tough to keep them in line!
It’s come down to a matter of trying to survive,
And to keep both of my toddler’s alive!
I don’t wish to sound, though, so utterly distraught
I admit having children is not how I thought.
But also I underestimated the extent of the joy
I receive from my girl and cute little boy!
At one time I thought I would just stick with pets,
but my kids are a gift, I have no regrets!

Practical Application by Jennifer L. Karr

admin — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:01:18 +0000

He’s teaching her arithmetic
He said it was a mission
He kissed her once he kisses her twice
And said now that’s addition.
As he added smack by smack
In silent satisfaction
She sweetly gave the kisses back and said now that’s subtraction
Then he kissed her she kisses him without an explanation
And both together smiled and said now that’s multiplication
Then dad appeared upon the scene and made a decision
He kicked the kid three blocks away
And said now that’s long division

Where I am an Old Man – NO RED HATS FOR ME by William Waddell

admin — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:30:12 +0000

WHEN I AM AN OLD MAN I SHALL DO AS I PLEASE. I’LL NOT COVER MY MOUTH WHEN I COUGH OR I SNEEZE. I’LL PUT ON A SHIRT THAT SPENT A WEEK ON THE FLOOR. I’LL EAT FIVE OR SIX COOKIES AND GO BACK FOR MORE. I’LL BURP AND I’LL BELCH, PASS GAS WITH A WINK, I’LL EAT FROM A DISH THAT SPENT WEEKS IN THE SINK. MY FAVORITE FOODS WILL COME FROM A CAN, I’LL EAT EVERY HOUR, THAT IS MY PLAN. I’LL FORGET MY ZIPPER, NOW THAT’S NOT SO BAD, FOR ALL YOU KNOW IT MIGHT START A NEW FAD. WHEN I AM AN OLD MAN, I’LL SAY WHAT I THINK. I’LL TELL YOU I’M TIRED OF BELLIES WITH RINGS. I’M TIRED OF NOSES AND TONGUES THAT GO CLINK. WHEN I AM AN OLD MAN I WONT HAVE TO BRAG, NO SPECIAL COLORS FOR ME, I’LL BE STARTING TO SAG. MY COLOR IS GRAY, HAS BEEN FOR YEARS. IT’S THE COLOR OF HAIR THAT GROWS IN MY EARS. I WONT NEED TO WEAR RED OR PURPLE YOU SEE, I’LL ADMIT THAT I’M OLD WHEN I’M ONE HUNDRED AND THREE. BILL WADDELL 2004

True Fear by Kelly E. Rachels

admin — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 07:00:17 +0000

Crying of fear
In the dark
Hurry and run
Says my heart.
But I lie there
Too scared to scream
Praying so hard
That it’s just a dream.
Then I see the shadow
Slowly moving outside
I want to get up
And find a place to hide.
I gather up the courage
And yell, Please help me!
They quickly run away
As I can plainly see.
A bunch of questions
Everyone did ask
I don’t know the answers
It happened so fast.
Feeling a little more brave
Not wanting to show fear
I act big and bad
Saying, They better not come back here!
The next night at supper
After I took my last bite
I got up from the table and said,
Who’s sleeping with me tonight?

Bingo Buddies by LaVerne E. Fujak

admin — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 04:42:56 +0000

I’m sitting here at Bingo and looking all around
at the nicest bunch of friends ever to be found.
if one is missing, you hope that they’re alright,
and maybe had a special thing going on that night.
You show some pictures of your grandkids,
and hope that all agree
they are the cutest kids
and how proud that you must be.
You wish each other luck in winning a game tonight
a regular, a special, or the Jackpot you might.
We all do have our aches and paints,
And some of us have canes.
We all do have that certain smile
that goes with Bingo games.
And most of all I think you’ll agree
that we are like a family.

The Ghost and the Darkness by Donna M. Connelly

admin — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 00:23:40 +0000

Within the darkest of dungeons
And much to my chagrin
I found an empty passageway
Except for a ghost within
He looked at me, excitedly
He danced about the hall
He stopped and glared into my eyes
I could not help, but fall.
I was fearful, almost tearful
of what I cannot explain
A sound was coming toward me
The sound of a rattling chain.
The ghost was advancing toward me
Swaying about his stance
He smiled at me and then he said
May I have this dance?
I could not help but wonder
Why he asked me this
But when I stood to dance with him
He said he only wanted a kiss.
I heard that chain still rattling
I heard a moan come from above
I didn’t want to kiss the ghost
Until he called me his Ladylove
This ghost of darkness, how could it be
That he could make me feel
A love that I have never felt
And have it feel so real
He leaped at me, but faltered
He could not stand upon his feet
For he didn’t have any there, you see
He was nothing but a sheet.

Not So Normal Winter by Ariel Kelppinger

admin — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:11:48 +0000

So, I saw a poem
About a winter wonderland
With snow and bunnies
and sleds and horses
The wonderland that country folk
Find so entertaining.
But I want something else,
More different and lively.
I want fat aunts
Who wrap your presents
In the Sunday funnies,
Or little brothers
Who free snowballs’ till you go to sleep.
Or maybe I want a dog
Who you feed your meatloaf too
And in the morning laugh
at how warm it is in December.
I want a winter wonderland
Filled with the scent
Of pine sol instead of cookies,
Where you sit at home
In front of the TV
Having a Johnny Depp movie marathon
While roasting marshmellows over the stove.
Maybe I’m strange
Or crazy
Or creative
Or sassy, ha.
But I want a winter…
Where your dad starts the burping contest.

Limerick to Old Men by Farrell L. Hickson

admin — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 05:00:27 +0000

As I grew older
I also grew bolder
and with all the young girls I did flirt.

My wife caught me eyeing,
And assisted my dying,
Now all I’ll be eyeing is dirt!

Careful, He Will Hear You by E. Lousie Osburn

admin — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:30:43 +0000

How do you like your hearing aid?
Have you adjusted to it yet?
It can surely change your life.
Your family likes it too, I bet.

I ain’t told them I got it.
I can hear every word they speak.
And I ain’t gonna tell them either.
Changed my will three times this week!

Husseine by J R. Prescott

admin — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 12:45:04 +0000

There once was a ruler Hussein
Who gave the Iraqi’s a pain
He threw them in jail
He censored their mail
All for his personal gain

The ruler of all Sadaam
Thought of making a nuclear bomb
So he worked night and day
And never did play
Till he held it right there in his palm

Back in the old U.S.A.
They cried out this was foul play
So we loaded ours jets
And put on our sweats
To give ole Sadaam a bad day

We bombed all the cities he had
We told him he was very bad
We looked for the W.M.D.
We made all the citizens flee
And at the end of the day we were sad

Because Hussein was pulling our leg
There wasn’t a huge powder keg
The soldiers all died
Our citizens cried
And Bush laid a big hollow egg